There are some movies that mess with your mind. They reveal a great plot twist, they weave a complicated and chilling story, or they rely on a premise that is just psychologically stressful. Personally, I love these kinds of movies and I wanted to present a list of what I believe are twenty of the best. From the movies that ended with a "WTF?" to movies that psychologically mess with you from beginning to finish, all of these movies will leave you with shocking and exciting glimpses into the human psyche and the games that it plays.
20. Manhunter (1986) Dir. Michael Mann
Based on Thomas Harris' brilliant novel, Red Dragon, this film is the precursor to The Silence of the Lambs. Before Clarice Starling probed Hannibal Lecter's mind and chased after Buffalo Bill, Will Graham - the FBI profiler who caught Lecter - has to find the Tooth Fairy, a deeply disturbed and frighteningly fragile serial killer who kills entire families. While Lecter is a minor character in this film, and Brian Cox relies on a more grounded performance than Anthony Hopkins' more theatrical one, this film shows a different side to the serial killer game in that it explores the turmoil that Graham endures because of his innate ability to think like a serial killer. Atmospheric, eerie, and imbued with the type of quiet threat that Mann really gives the movie, Manhunter is an unsettling look at how serial killers think and why one's ability to tap into them can leave him in horror.
19. Dead Calm (1989) Dir. Phillip Noyce
This is a deeply upsetting and unsettling film, mainly because it is scary to imagine being in Rae Ingram's (Nicole Kidman) place. After she and her husband find a stranded ship out in the Pacific and see that the entire crew has been killed, Rae becomes the kidnap victim of the killer himself as he tries to steer the two of them away from the crime scene and her abandoned husband. Trapped on this boat with a psychotic killer, Rae is forced to use everything in her arsenal to survive, including sleeping with her kidnapper in order to keep him happy. It's an impossible situation that forces you to ask what you would do to save your own life and your partner's. Unfortunately, it would probably require doing some unpleasant and scarring things.
18. Side Effects (2013) Dir. Steven Soderbergh
It would make sense that a movie about mental illness and clinical psychology's use of psychiatric drugs would be psychologically screwy. But this twisty thriller asks the question of whether or not the drugs so many of us take could be responsible for some of our most despicable behavior. Are the drugs we take responsible for our violent outbursts? That's the puzzle that this film tries to solve as Dr. Banks (Jude Law) tries to figure out if his patient, Emily (Rooney Mara), has developed bad side effects to her drugs or is manipulating him. The ending is pretty wild and it's a total mind f*ck when you realize what everyone's motivations were from the very beginning.
17. Monster (2003) Dir. Patty Jenkins
How does someone turn into a serial killer? It's a question that psychologists and criminologists continue to study and while there is no exact formula, there do seem to be some unfortunate circumstances that lead to a life of horrific crime. In Monster, Jenkins brings famous serial killer Aileen Wournos' life to the screen in a very realistic and unsettling way, utilizing Charlize Theron's incredible performance to depict a hopeless, pathetic life full of misery and self-defeat. As the viewer, it's difficult to hate Aileen as you begin to understand how and why she has become this 'monster.' But it is equally painful to see how Aileen's murders escalate; killing a rapist is one thing but killing an innocent man is another. This dilemma makes the film that much more engrossing and psychologically difficult for the viewer who cannot figure out how to feel about a serial killer.
16. The Life of David Gale (2003) Dir. Alan Parker
Criminally underrated, this death penalty drama centers on professor David Gale, one of the nation's leading anti-death penalty advocates. But here's the deal: Gale has been accused of murdering one of his colleagues and is now on death row for her heinous murder. As the film unfolds, Gale tells a reporter how he ended up on death row and why he refuses to appeal his case. The final ending and great reveal is shocking and incredible, so much so that it will leave you questioning all of your conceptions about the death penalty. This one will stay with you.
15. Prisoners (2013) Dir. Denis Villeneuve
This amazing thriller is a breathless, taut knuckle-biter about a pair of married friends whose daughters are both kidnapped on Thanksgiving. When one of the dads (Hugh Jackman) becomes convinced that a strange and lonely young man is responsible for the kidnappings, he takes it upon himself to kidnap and torture the man into a confession while the detective on the case (Jake Gyllenhaal) tries to find the girls, not knowing what one father has already done. There is a great twist ending and it will rock you, but the entire lead-up to that reveal is stressful in itself as a desperate father tries to gain justice for his daughter. How much would you be willing to do to find your child? That question becomes one of the most frightening premises of this film as a good man succumbs to extreme violence to find his daughter. You'll be disturbed, scarred, and amazed.
14. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) Dir. Jonathan Demme
This classic is just a clusterf*ck of psychological mind-games, and that's one of the reasons it has remained so beloved. Both villains in the film - Hannibal Lecter and Buffalo Bill - are scary in their own rights and pose unsettling questions for the audience and Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster). While Buffalo Bill is a deranged recluse who uses human skin to aid his fantasy world, the incarcerated Dr. Lecter is a cultured, educated psychologist smarter than anyone else in the room who knows it and uses it to his advantage when Starling begins visiting him for advice. It is frightening enough to deal with the idea of serial killers who use human beings for their own personal fantasies and lonely lives, but it is even more frightening to imagine serial killers who seem perfectly well-adjusted, self-aware, and intelligent. Human nature at its most terrifying.
13. The Prestige (2006) Dir. Christopher Nolan
Leave it to Christopher Nolan to make magic cool again. In this period piece about rival magicians (Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman), the mind f*ck in this movie comes about when we realize how it was that Alfred Borden (Bale) was able to pull off the greatest illusion (magic trick) of all time. Get ready for a mind explosion when we find out the reason that not only will leave you saying, "No way!" but will deeply sadden you when you consider how much these characters all lose simply for a magic trick.
12. Gone Girl (2014) Dir. David Fincher
You think you know someone... In this great adaptation of the bestseller, Nick Dunne (Ben Affleck) becomes the prime suspect when his wife goes missing from their small Missouri town. The evidence is stacked against him from his young student mistress to the thousands of dollars of credit card debt he's accrued and the sloppy clean-up of an obvious crime in his house. So is he guilty? The answer to that question is an intricate, brilliantly-crafted masterpiece of an answer that will leave you questioning everything you think you know about relationships and the person you love. Mind blown.
11. Black Swan (2010) Dir. Darren Aronofsky
This is not just a movie about ballet. Part psychological horror and part body horror, this incredible film is really about mental illness and the damage it can do a human being's psyche. Nina (Natalie Portman) seems to run into constant obstacles as she tries to get the lead role of the Swan Queen in her company's production: an overbearing, jealous mother, a frustrating director, and a new colleague who seems intent on stealing her part. But as the film unfolds we begin to see that perhaps Nina's greatest obstacle isn't anyone else but actually her own mind. The fact that our own brains can work against us is a frightening concept and it will blow your mind how far that danger can go for this little ballerina.
10. Planet of the Apes (1968) Dir. Franklin J. Schaffner
From beginning to end, this classic sci-fi drama messes with your mind. After crash-landing on a strange planet somewhere in the galaxy, astronaut George Taylor (Charlton Heston) discovers that this planet is run by walking, talking apes who act as if they're the higher species and humans are the animals. By now we've seen the horrible Tim Burton remake and the successful prequels, but it's hard to beat the original when Taylor tries to get back to earth and then realizes... he's on earth. If this movie doesn't leave you questioning everything, I don't know what will.
9. The Sixth Sense (1999) Dir. M. Night Shyamalan
By now we all know the twist ending of this psychological horror. Still, you can't help but wonder just how shocked audiences must have been when they first saw this spooky thriller back in 1999. The twist ending is great and it's a testament to the talent Shyamalan had once upon a time (what happened, bro?) when he was able to convincingly fool the entire world. But the film is also a very heartbreaking and somber look at what it would be like for people if they could communicate with the dead. What seems cool and exotic to so many of us would actually be much more of a psychological burden, especially for a young child. Carrying the secrets of the dead would be like living in a constant nightmare, and that's exactly how it is for young Cole (Haley Joel Osment).
8. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) Dir. Wes Craven
Speaking of nightmares, Wes Craven created one of the most popular horror franchises of all time when he made this little indie horror. Although Freddy and the Nightmare films have become pretty much jokes they're so iconic, the premise of this film is still impressive. Running from a serial killer is one thing but trying to escape one who can take on any form and can kill you in your dreams is another. What made this story so frightening was the idea that you couldn't escape your own nightmares, an idea that Craven got when he read a story about Cambodian refugees who had escaped Pol Pot but died after waking up from nightmares. If that's not the scariest psychological possibility and mind f*ck, then I don't know what is.
7. The Usual Suspects (1995) Dir. Bryan Singer
Two words: Keyser Soze. If this movie didn't leave you with a huge mind f*ck, you're a psychological genius.
6. Fight Club (1999) Dir. David Fincher
Once again, the astonishing things the mind can do... This hugely popular manifesto about male Gen X apathy and disillusionment in modern consumerist society pulls one hell of a punch when you realize who was the instigator of the entire idea behind "fight club." Believing that the bad-ass and enviable Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) was the impetus for the protagonist's own mental breakthrough, it isn't until the very end that "the narrator" (Edward Norton) discovers that actually he is Tyler Durden, that he has been the leader, ladies' man, and anarchist hero all along. Talk about self-empowerment.
5. American Psycho (2000) Dir. Mary Harron
This wickedly smart satire of '80s corporate America is a constant puzzle for the viewer. It initially seems that Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), successful New York investment banker and member of the high elite, is succumbing to his psychopathic fantasies as he begins to violently murder people around him. But then you begin to wonder if perhaps these murders are simply fantasies that Bateman has still not carried out yet. Both possibilities are frightening, but the idea that someone could live a perfectly normal life to the outside world and still maintain this sadistic fantasy world is mind-blowing. It makes you wonder just how many people may be living like this out in the world, and if they are, whether you know them.
4. Se7en (1995) Dir. David Fincher
Here's another serial killer story to mess with your mind. Fincher's classic crime thriller about a serial killer who concocts brilliant murders to coincide with the seven deadly sins does lead to a crescendo of an ending in which we discover how the killer has constructed his violent magnum opus. Despite its horrific nature, it's pretty brilliant. But the killer's explanations for his murders may be the most psychologically unsettling facet of the film because it makes sense. When accused of murdering innocent people, John Doe (Kevin Spacey) begins a tirade against society and the people he killed, refusing to see them as innocent when they themselves were guilty of some morally heinous acts. The very fact that you can see the logic of this killer is a mind f*ck but then when you couple that with his entire plan, which includes his own moral culpability, you will be scarred.
3. The Game (1997) Dir. David Fincher
Holy sh*t! That's what you'll be saying at the end of this entire mind f*ck of a movie when you realize what the "game" is all about and how it ultimately ends for poor Nicholas Van Orton (Michael Douglas). No spoilers here. This is something you have to see to believe.
2. No Way Out (1987) Dir. Roger Donaldson
No Way Out deceives its audience into thinking that this is a political thriller about a young naval officer (Kevin Costner) who gets in over his head when he's assigned to solve the murder of the woman he was sleeping with, and who also happened to be sleeping with the Secretary of Defense (Gene Hackman). When everyone also begins to believe that the killer could be a KGB mole, the stakes rise as our hero has to find the killer and make sure that he doesn't become a suspect. You have no idea what's coming when this drama unfolds and you will never expect the mind f*ck that awaits.
1. Memento (2000) Dir. Christopher Nolan
Probably the biggest psychological mind f*ck of a movie you will ever see as we try to go back to the beginning by starting in the end. Honestly, this one still gets me.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Saturday, July 25, 2015
30 Most Untalented but Successful Actors
Let's face it: sometimes actors get gigs because they're hot or because they slept with someone. Sadly, not everybody can be Meryl Streep or Daniel Day-Lewis and it's often frustrating that good quality actors get passed over for good-looking, bland "fads" who Hollywood swears are star material. In the case of these actors, these thirty have somehow managed to become pretty successful actors and actresses without retaining barely a lick of talent. For some of them, I think Hollywood is finally getting the picture.
30. Jason Sudeikis
It helps in Hollywood if you have the right friends, which in Sudeikis' case must be the only reason why he has been able to get some plum leading man roles in comedies. Curiously not good-looking enough to warrant any special attention and not funny enough to be memorable, it's a mystery why someone with really no acting talent has been able to star in so many big films the past few years. And how he got on Saturday Night Live, we'll never know.
Case in Point: Horrible Bosses 2 (2014), Movie 43 (2013), We're the Millers (2013), The Campaign (2012), Horrible Bosses (2011), Hall Pass (2011)
29. Kate Hudson
For awhile, Goldie Hawn's daughter had everyone fooled. She seemed quite charming in Almost Famous (2000) and she wasn't a bad romantic leading lady in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003). But as her star rose we realized that she was a just another pretty face using her family's connections. Her star has dropped quite significantly since the early '00s and with good reason. She may be able to stand in front of a camera and smile but she's got very little talent.
Case in Point: Something Borrowed (2011), Nine (2009), Bride Wars (2009), My Best Friend's Girl (2008), Fool's Gold (2008), You, Me, and Dupree (2006), Raising Helen (2004), Alex & Emma (2003)
28. Jennifer Aniston
Was she cute on Friends? Sure, but that does not mean that Aniston is a talented actress. If anything, it means she's cute and can take direction. What a rarity. I'm convinced that her career has lasted this long because so many people felt sorry for her after Brad Pitt dumped her (can you blame him?) and because their tabloid saga was so juicy that her face on a poster got people talking. But at the end of the day, Aniston is really just an attractive woman who works out and takes care of her skin but can't really act for s**t.
Case in Point: We're the Millers (2013), Wanderlust (2012), Just Go with It (2010), The Switch (2010), The Bounty Hunter (2010), He's Just Not That Into You (2009), Marley & Me (2008), The Break-Up (2006), Rumor Has It... (2005), Derailed (2005), Along Came Polly (2003), Office Space (1999), etc.
27. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Oh, Arnie... Without a doubt, the Schwarzenegger became famous after The Terminator (1984), for which he was perfect because he was playing a big and emotionless robot. But for some reason Hollywood decided that he should play other roles and that has resulted in such bad s**t. Yes, some of his action films have been fun and wonderfully jingoistic but they still can't hide the fact that no matter what, Arnie cannot act.
Case in Point: The Expendables 3 (2014), The Last Stand (2013), The Expendables 2 (2012), Collateral Damage (2002), The 6th Day (2000), End of Days (1999), Batman & Robin (1997), Jingle All the Way (1996), Junior (1994), Last Action Hero (1993), Kindergarten Cop (1990), Twins (1988), etc.
26. Jennifer Lopez
This is another one that fooled us. Convincing the world that she could sing (eh) and dance (yeah, she can do that), Lopez decided to take on acting too. Nope. While great films like Out of Sight (1998) helped give her a leg up and her performance in Enough (2002) wasn't awful, we got to see what Lopez was really made of when she became a romantic comedy queen. Oy with the poodles because since then Lopez has proven she's not just a sub-par actress but actually a very bad actress. Please stop trying to be relevant, Jen. You suck.
Case in Point: The Boy Next Door (2015), Parker (2013), What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012), The Back-Up Plan (2010), Monster-in-Law (2005), Shall We Dance (2004), Gigli (2003), Maid in Manhattan (2002), The Wedding Planner (2001)
25. Cameron Diaz
OK, so Diaz was hot once in The Mask (1994) and for some ungodly reason people liked her in There's Something About Mary (1998). Since then, she has littered cinema with bad movies and bad performances. Diaz can only play one role (herself) and if she isn't playing that, she's stinking up movies with bad accents or weak attempts to be bad-ass. And as her looks fade, people have begun to realize that she's only ever been famous because she was hot.
Case in Point: Annie (2014), Sex Tape (2014), The Other Woman (2014), What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012), Bad Teacher (2011), The Green Hornet (2011), Knight and Day (2010), The Box (2009), My Sister's Keeper (2009), What Happens in Vegas (2008), The Holiday (2006), In Her Shoes (2005), etc.
24. Adam Sandler
Apparently you can become famous by acting like a complete idiot and passing it off as comedy. That's the only explanation for why Adam Sandler has managed to become so famous when he is so untalented.
Case in Point: His whole career
23. Katie Holmes
Oh, Katie... After winning teenagers' hearts in Dawson's Creek Hollywood got the idea that Holmes could be great in movies. Fail. Holmes has become progressively more awkward and terrible on film since the early '00s, and while some blame Tom Cruise (understandable), it might just be because Holmes was getting roles for being a pretty little girl and now she's not a little girl anymore. Here's hoping she finds success designing clothes or making cakes or something.
Case in Point: Jack and Jill (2011), The Son of No One (2011), Mad Money (2008), Thank You for Smoking (2005), Batman Begins (2005), First Daughter (2004), Abandon (2002), The Gift (2000)
22. Sarah Jessica Parker
Sure, SJP was charming in Sex and the City but then again, that show could have cast anyone and it probably still would have been successful, because let's face it: she's not a good actress. Lately she's become kind of a running joke for many, and for good reason, because she does not deserve her fame or money. When was the last time anyone saw a movie she was headlining where she wasn't playing Carrie Bradshaw? Go home, SJP. You and your husband were just flashes in the pan.
Case in Point: New Year's Eve (2011), I Don't Know How She Does It (2011), Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009), Smart People (2008), Failure to Launch (2006), The Family Stone (2005), Dudley Do-Right (1999)
21. Russell Brand
Brand arguably became famous after playing a boozy, bratty, outrageous, womanizing idiot in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) - otherwise, himself. That film and his marriage to Katy Perry catapulted him into fame and movie roles that only proved that he has no talent whatsoever. Thankfully, that seems to be more apparent now to audiences since his star has dropped quite a bit. Here's hoping he doesn't make anymore films playing himself.
Case in Point: Rock of Ages (2012), Arthur (2011), Hop (2011), The Tempest (2010), Despicable Me (2010), Get Him to the Greek (2010), Bedtime Stories (2008)
20. Kate Bosworth
She's got two different colored eyes... Other than that, there is pretty much nothing distinguishable or unique about Bosworth who is just another example of a pretty girl getting some fame after a successful teen movie. I think her career proves that.
Case in Point: Movie 43 (2013), Homefront (2013), Straw Dogs (2011), 21 (2008), Superman Returns (2006), Beyond the Sea (2004), Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004)
19. Josh Duhamel
Other than being handsome, Duhamel has little going for him. Doing an adequate if not boring job in the Transformers movies, Duhamel has proven that in everything else he is really just eye candy. Lacking the charisma of a leading man and the talent of a character actor, Duhamel has had success but really isn't impressive. Probably because he's not talented. Hot, sure. But then... so is Brad Pitt.
Case in Point: Movie 43 (2013), Safe Haven (2013), New Year's Eve (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Life as We Know It (2010), When in Rome (2010), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), Las Vegas (2003-08), Transformers (2007), Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004)
18. Katherine Heigl
Oh sweet justice when even Hollywood had had enough of this spoiled child. Tricking people into thinking she could be America's Sweetheart after Grey's Anatomy and a few romantic comedies, Heigl's infamous bad attitude and even worse acting finally proved that she's no Julia Roberts (who's no Kate Winslet, I'm just sayin'). Watch Heigl play a version of herself in film after film as she helps perpetuate every stereotype about blondes, women with big boobs, and women in general with her sub-par acting and whiny cadence. Let's hope she stays in B-movie world.
Case in Point: State of Affairs (2014-15), Home Sweet Hell (2014), The Big Wedding (2013), One for the Money (2012), New Year's Eve (2011). Life as We Know It (2010), Killers (2010), Grey's Anatomy (2005-10), The Ugly Truth (2009), 27 Dresses (2008), Knocked Up (2007), etc.
17. Alex Pettyfer
Wow... We've never seen a hot blonde guy before. Oh wait. Even though the Brit has the looks of a model, he ain't got much else. Therefore, it's puzzling as to how he's gotten roles in films like Magic Mike (2012), The Butler (2013), and In Time (2011). Thankfully, his resume has slowed down a bit since it's become painfully clear that while he's been popular in some films and is a hit with the ladies, this guy's acting is on par with a pine cone.
Case in Point: Endless Love (2014), The Butler (2013), Magic Mike (2012), In Time (2011), Beastly (2011), I Am Number Four (2011)
16. Kate Beckinsale
Sure, Beckinsale is gorgeous. And yes, she's very charming when she's sporting her British accent. But yeesh, she cannot act. Whether it's hamming it up with an appalling Eastern European accent in Van Helsing (2004) - when apparently she studied Russian literature - or acting perpetually constipated in Pearl Harbor (2001), Beckinsale is not talented. This painful fact has become even more apparent to Hollywood as she has been forced to rely on her looks to pretty much score movie roles.
Case in Point: Total Recall (2012), Whiteout (2009), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009), Vacancy (2007), Click (2006), Underworld: Evolution (2006), The Aviator (2004), Van Helsing (2004), Tiptoes (2003), Underworld (2003), Laurel Canyon (2002), Pearl Harbor (2001)
15. Vin Diesel
Once upon a time, a large, bald man with an incoherent voice and below average acting skills stepped onto the set of The Fast and the Furious (2001) and the world was never the same reason. For some reason Hollywood believed for awhile that Diesel could perform in other movies and shoot them to box office gold. Not so much. So Diesel has resigned himself to headlining Fast and Furious movies till the end of time, which although they are not prolific or award-winning, bring in the dough and insure Diesel will have a very successful (financially) career.
Case in Point: Furious Seven (2015), Riddick (2013), Fast & Furious 6 (2013), Fast Five (2011), Fast & Furious (2009), Babylon A.D. (2008), Find Me Guilty (2006), The Pacifier (2005), The Chronicles of Riddick (2004), A Man Apart (2003), xXx (2002)
14. Robert Pattinson
I am convinced that the Twilight films could have cast any halfway attractive man under 30 and teenagers would have fallen madly in love with him. That has to be the explanation for why R-Patz has become such a sensation and has managed to score roles outside of Twilight since he is a painfully bad actor. Bland, dull, and rather emotionless (which might explain why he and Kristen Stewart were attracted to each other), it is inconceivable why Pattinson has become so successful when he lacks any real talent or charisma. The closest he's come to decent was in the fourth Harry Potter movie and that movie wasn't great because of him.
Case in Point: All the Twilight films, Cosmopolis (2012), Bel Ami (2012), Water for Elephants (2011), Remember Me (2010), Little Ashes (2008)
13. Amanda Peet
There is absolutely no reason Amanda Peet should have been able to lead so many big movies so far this century. Attractive but not beautiful, adequate but not terribly talented or funny, it's a mystery as to how Peet has come so far in Hollywood when she has not managed to impress whatsoever. Then again, her career has seemed to slow down lately as I suspect that her failure to attract audiences to comedies like A Lot Like Love (2005) and The Ex (2006) or Aaron Sorkin dramas, has proven that she is not worthy of heavyweight films. Still, she's made more money than the poor souls still acting their asses off in New York.
Case in Point: Trust Me (2013), Identity Thief (2013), Gulliver's Travels (2010), 2012 (2009), Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip (2006-07), The Ex (2006), Syriana (2005), A Lot Like Love (2005), The Whole Ten Yards (2004), Something's Gotta Give (2003), Identity (2002), Changing Lanes (2002), High Crimes (2002), Saving Silverman (2001)
12. Paul Walker (RIP)
Okay, so I'm not going to spend a paragraph discussing Walker's lack of talent as an actor because he seemed like a genuinely kind and good man and his death was a terrible tragedy. But I am not going to lie to people and say that he was an incredible actor with a range of talent and versatile skills, because he wasn't. Much like his co-star Diesel, Walker became so successful because of his role in the Fast and Furious films and that's fine. People pay to see those movies and the studios listen. But it is a bit of a shame that attractive people become so successful in film merely because of their looks and likability when plenty of talented actors lose out.
Case in Point: Furious Seven (2015), Brick Mansions (2014), Fast & Furious 6 (2013), Hours (2013), Vehicle 19 (2013), Fast Five (2011), Takers (2010), Fast & Furious (2009), The Lazarus Project (2008), Eight Below (2006), Running Scared (2006), Into the Blue (2005), Noel (2004), Timeline (2003), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Joy Ride (2001), The Fast and the Furious (2001), She's All That (1999), Varsity Blues (1999), Pleasantville (1998)
11. Malin Akerman
I'll be the first to say that Akerman is very pretty. With her Swedish looks and peppy attitude, she's totally cute. But cute does not necessarily equal talent. Akerman has made waves in comedies because of her looks and her willingness to take her clothes off (which is not an uncommon way for many actresses to get work but that doesn't mean it's right, kids) but that should not delude us into thinking she is a good actress. She's not really. If anything, she often plays a version of herself or an over-the-top caricature of a crazy woman. That's not range. That's called having a good agent.
Case in Point: Trophy Wife (2013-14), Burning Love (2012), Rock of Ages (2012), Wanderlust (2012), Elektra Luxx (2010), The Romantics (2010), Couples Retreat (2009), The Proposal (2009), Watchmen (2009), 27 Dresses (2008), The Heartbreak Kid (2007), Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
10. Kristen Stewart
Ugh....... Let's take a moment to really deal with the fact that Kristen Stewart is one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood. It's painful, I know. And unjust. Like former lover R-Patz, Stewart rode the train to stardom after headlining the Twilight films and playing the emotionally constipated and perpetually bemused Bella Swan. Again, because of the massive popularity of the books, Stewart became a star because of the series not because of her talent or charisma or stunning looks. She has none of those and has become a bit of a joke on social media because of her own obvious inability to handle human interaction of almost any kind. Still, her name has become synonymous with the box office breaking series and she continues to get roles alongside very talented actors: Julianne Moore, Charlize Theron, Amy Adams, Chris Hemsworth, James Gandolfini... Let's just stop before we start crying.
Case in Point: Twilight series, Still Alice (2014), Snow White and the Huntsman (2012), On the Road (2012), The Runaways (2010), Welcome to the Rileys (2010), Adventureland (2009), Jumper (2008), Into the Wild (2007), In the Land of Women (2007), Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005), Catch That Kid (2004)
9. Seann William Scott
Thank God that this eternal frat boy has slowly begun to fade from film because he is pretty awful. Achieving fame after playing Stifler in the American Pie movies, Scott's popularity rose for awhile as he tried to replay that character (or a version of it) in stoner and sex comedies over and over. That began to get old quick but even in 2008 Scott scored a hit with Paul Rudd in Role Models. And even though his lack of talent and reportedly bad attitude have soiled his reputation in many circles, he still can land roles and paychecks that most actors will only ever dream of. Sure, he's not bad-looking and Stifler was funny in 1999 but he has no real talent.
Case in Point: Movie 43 (2013), American Reunion (2012), Cop Out (2010), Balls Out: Gary the Tennis Coach (2009), Role Models (2008), The Promotion (2008), Mr. Woodcock (2007), Southland Tales (2006), The Dukes of Hazard (2005), The Rundown (2003), American Wedding (2003), Bulletproof Monk (2003), Old School (2003), Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), American Pie 2 (1999), Evolution (2001), Dude, Where's My Car? (2000), Road Trip (2000), Final Destination (2000), American Pie (1999)
8. Megan Fox
We all know that Fox has been successful merely because she is hot. That's it. She is attractive and sexy with a great body and unique looks and that has been her ticket to Hollywood fame. Yet when she pissed off Michael Bay and exited the Transformers series (which is inexplicably still raging), she was forced to take on roles that rely solely on her looks because she is awful. Wooden, boring, amateur; it wouldn't be a stretch to say that she's high school drama production quality. But God forbid an action series not have a hot woman in it and as long as people still find her as great spank bank material, she'll be with us for awhile.
Case in Point: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), This Is 40 (2012), The Dictator (2012), Friends with Kids (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Jennifer's Body (2009), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (2008), Transformers (2007), Hope & Faith (2004-06), Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)
7. Dane Cook
Who's a talentless hack? This guy. This fraud doesn't even really deserve mention. I'm just glad his star is dropping as people realize more and more that stealing other comedians' jokes and playing yourself in every movie is only going to lead to nowhere.
Case in Point: My Best Friend's Girl (2008), Dan in Real Life (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Mr. Brooks (2007), Employee of the Month (2006), Waiting... (2005), London (2005), Torque (2004)
6. Eva Mendes
I am sure that Mendes is a nice person. She does not seem like a bitch or a too much of a stuck-up celebrity, but goodness, she is only famous because of her looks. We get it: she's hot. But girlfriend cannot act. Not even a little. She tries, bless her heart, but every time she is in a movie (and she has been in some big and successful movies), she plays a version of herself: the hot and game Eva Mendes. If she tries to go outside her limits and play something a little more serious, we get... The Place Beyond the Pines. Yeesh. Kudos to her for her rocking body and sexy look, but that does not mean that she is talented.
Case in Point: The Place Beyond the Pines (2012), Girl in Progress (2012), Last Night (2010), The Other Guys (2010), The Spirit (2008), The Women (2008), We Own the Night (2007), Ghost Rider (2007), Trust the Man (2005), Hitch (2005), Stuck on You (2003), Out of Time (2003), Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Training Day (2001)
5. Jessica Alba
Raise your hand if you're beautiful and have only become successful because of your looks and then organic cleaning products company that sells based on your name? Please tell me when Ms. Alba is going to finally disappear from Hollywood because I think we are all tired of her, albeit withering, presence in crappy films. Stop paying this woman money.
Case in Point: Barely Lethal (2015), Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014), Spy Kids: All the Time in the World 4D (2011), Little Fockers (2010), Machete (2010), Valentine's Day (2010), The Killer Inside Me (2010), The Love Guru (2008), The Eye (2008), Awake (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Into the Blue (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Sin City (2005), Honey (2003), The Sleeping Dictionary (2003), Dark Angel (2000-02), Never Been Kissed (1999)
4. Taylor Lautner
Is it a coincidence that all of the leads from Twilight are on this list? Take a wild guess. Apparently deemed attractive since he has decent looks and great abs, Lautner has utilized these looks and their ability to melt teenage girls to his benefit. Yet although Lautner has made a ton of money from the vampire-lite series and has gotten roles in other films, he's failed to really become a megastar because he can't act. At all. Nada. Kristen Stewart has more talent than him. And that's saying something. But I fear that Lautner will continue to get some more roles for a few years as long as Twilight doesn't remain a distant memory.
Case in Point: Twilight films, Abduction (2011), Valentine's Day (2010), Cheaper By the Dozen 2 (2005), The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005)
3. Jessica Biel
The term "successful" is starting to lose meaning for Mrs. Justin Timberlake since her various attempts to headline big budget movies have basically failed. Ever since she got attention for playing rebellious Mary on the cheesetastic 7th Heaven, Biel swam into stardom through her good looks and killer bod. But standing out on a show of bad B-actors and melodramatic storylines isn't much of a feat, and Biel has been seen less in movies the past few years, opting to focus instead on marrying Justin Timberlake and having his children. Solid choice, Jess, because you're hot but sorry babe, you've got no talent. Still, her name is prolific and that's more than many actors could hope for.
Case in Point: Playing for Keeps (2012), Hitchcock (2012), Total Recall (2012), New Year's Eve (2011), The A-Team (2010), Valentine's Day (2010), Easy Virtue (2008), I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), Next (2007), Home of the Brave (2006), 7th Heaven (1996-2006), The Illusionist (2006), Elizabethtown (2005), Stealth (2005), Blade: Trinity (2004), Cellular (2004), The Texas Chain Massacre (2003), Summer Catch (2001)
2. January Jones
Jones is such a bad actress that one wonders if perhaps she is pulling a great joke on everyone and is mocking the bevy of attractive but untalented women that parade through Hollywood. But sadly, no. She's just a horrible actress that somehow managed to get roles in big movies and big TV. Why?
Case in Point: Mad Men (2007-15), Good Kill (2014), Sweetwater (2013), Seeking Justice (2011), X-Men: First Class (2011), Unknown (2011), Pirate Radio (2009), We Are Marshall (2006), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Love Actually (2003), American Wedding (2003), Anger Management (2003)
1. Milla Jovovich
Sorry, Milla. You're attractive and you've been a popular video-game siren for nerds, but God knows why you've been able to get film roles and make money. Sure, you're beautiful and you can run around in skin-tight clothes and pull it off, but the acting... Goodness me. Jovovich's most popular films have relied solely on her athletic beauty in S/F and video game adaptation franchises, and that should warn you because this woman can only hold a gun and look hot. Not much else. Maybe that's enough for some fans but for film connoisseurs who truly appreciate good art and good acting, this is kind of tragic.
Case in Point: Resident Evil films, Cymbeline (2014), Faces in the Crowd (2011), Bringing Up Bobby (2011), The Three Musketeers (2011), Lucky Trouble (2011), Dirty Girl (2010), The Fourth Kind (2009), A Perfect Getaway (2009), Ultraviolet (2006), No Good Deed (2002), Dummy (2002), Zoolander (2001), The Claim (2000), The Messenger: Joan of Arc (1999), The Fifth Element (1997), Dazed and Confused (1993), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991)
30. Jason Sudeikis
It helps in Hollywood if you have the right friends, which in Sudeikis' case must be the only reason why he has been able to get some plum leading man roles in comedies. Curiously not good-looking enough to warrant any special attention and not funny enough to be memorable, it's a mystery why someone with really no acting talent has been able to star in so many big films the past few years. And how he got on Saturday Night Live, we'll never know.
Case in Point: Horrible Bosses 2 (2014), Movie 43 (2013), We're the Millers (2013), The Campaign (2012), Horrible Bosses (2011), Hall Pass (2011)
29. Kate Hudson
For awhile, Goldie Hawn's daughter had everyone fooled. She seemed quite charming in Almost Famous (2000) and she wasn't a bad romantic leading lady in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003). But as her star rose we realized that she was a just another pretty face using her family's connections. Her star has dropped quite significantly since the early '00s and with good reason. She may be able to stand in front of a camera and smile but she's got very little talent.
Case in Point: Something Borrowed (2011), Nine (2009), Bride Wars (2009), My Best Friend's Girl (2008), Fool's Gold (2008), You, Me, and Dupree (2006), Raising Helen (2004), Alex & Emma (2003)
28. Jennifer Aniston
Was she cute on Friends? Sure, but that does not mean that Aniston is a talented actress. If anything, it means she's cute and can take direction. What a rarity. I'm convinced that her career has lasted this long because so many people felt sorry for her after Brad Pitt dumped her (can you blame him?) and because their tabloid saga was so juicy that her face on a poster got people talking. But at the end of the day, Aniston is really just an attractive woman who works out and takes care of her skin but can't really act for s**t.
Case in Point: We're the Millers (2013), Wanderlust (2012), Just Go with It (2010), The Switch (2010), The Bounty Hunter (2010), He's Just Not That Into You (2009), Marley & Me (2008), The Break-Up (2006), Rumor Has It... (2005), Derailed (2005), Along Came Polly (2003), Office Space (1999), etc.
27. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Oh, Arnie... Without a doubt, the Schwarzenegger became famous after The Terminator (1984), for which he was perfect because he was playing a big and emotionless robot. But for some reason Hollywood decided that he should play other roles and that has resulted in such bad s**t. Yes, some of his action films have been fun and wonderfully jingoistic but they still can't hide the fact that no matter what, Arnie cannot act.
Case in Point: The Expendables 3 (2014), The Last Stand (2013), The Expendables 2 (2012), Collateral Damage (2002), The 6th Day (2000), End of Days (1999), Batman & Robin (1997), Jingle All the Way (1996), Junior (1994), Last Action Hero (1993), Kindergarten Cop (1990), Twins (1988), etc.
26. Jennifer Lopez
This is another one that fooled us. Convincing the world that she could sing (eh) and dance (yeah, she can do that), Lopez decided to take on acting too. Nope. While great films like Out of Sight (1998) helped give her a leg up and her performance in Enough (2002) wasn't awful, we got to see what Lopez was really made of when she became a romantic comedy queen. Oy with the poodles because since then Lopez has proven she's not just a sub-par actress but actually a very bad actress. Please stop trying to be relevant, Jen. You suck.
Case in Point: The Boy Next Door (2015), Parker (2013), What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012), The Back-Up Plan (2010), Monster-in-Law (2005), Shall We Dance (2004), Gigli (2003), Maid in Manhattan (2002), The Wedding Planner (2001)
25. Cameron Diaz
OK, so Diaz was hot once in The Mask (1994) and for some ungodly reason people liked her in There's Something About Mary (1998). Since then, she has littered cinema with bad movies and bad performances. Diaz can only play one role (herself) and if she isn't playing that, she's stinking up movies with bad accents or weak attempts to be bad-ass. And as her looks fade, people have begun to realize that she's only ever been famous because she was hot.
Case in Point: Annie (2014), Sex Tape (2014), The Other Woman (2014), What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012), Bad Teacher (2011), The Green Hornet (2011), Knight and Day (2010), The Box (2009), My Sister's Keeper (2009), What Happens in Vegas (2008), The Holiday (2006), In Her Shoes (2005), etc.
24. Adam Sandler
Apparently you can become famous by acting like a complete idiot and passing it off as comedy. That's the only explanation for why Adam Sandler has managed to become so famous when he is so untalented.
Case in Point: His whole career
23. Katie Holmes
Oh, Katie... After winning teenagers' hearts in Dawson's Creek Hollywood got the idea that Holmes could be great in movies. Fail. Holmes has become progressively more awkward and terrible on film since the early '00s, and while some blame Tom Cruise (understandable), it might just be because Holmes was getting roles for being a pretty little girl and now she's not a little girl anymore. Here's hoping she finds success designing clothes or making cakes or something.
Case in Point: Jack and Jill (2011), The Son of No One (2011), Mad Money (2008), Thank You for Smoking (2005), Batman Begins (2005), First Daughter (2004), Abandon (2002), The Gift (2000)
22. Sarah Jessica Parker
Sure, SJP was charming in Sex and the City but then again, that show could have cast anyone and it probably still would have been successful, because let's face it: she's not a good actress. Lately she's become kind of a running joke for many, and for good reason, because she does not deserve her fame or money. When was the last time anyone saw a movie she was headlining where she wasn't playing Carrie Bradshaw? Go home, SJP. You and your husband were just flashes in the pan.
Case in Point: New Year's Eve (2011), I Don't Know How She Does It (2011), Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009), Smart People (2008), Failure to Launch (2006), The Family Stone (2005), Dudley Do-Right (1999)
21. Russell Brand
Brand arguably became famous after playing a boozy, bratty, outrageous, womanizing idiot in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) - otherwise, himself. That film and his marriage to Katy Perry catapulted him into fame and movie roles that only proved that he has no talent whatsoever. Thankfully, that seems to be more apparent now to audiences since his star has dropped quite a bit. Here's hoping he doesn't make anymore films playing himself.
Case in Point: Rock of Ages (2012), Arthur (2011), Hop (2011), The Tempest (2010), Despicable Me (2010), Get Him to the Greek (2010), Bedtime Stories (2008)
20. Kate Bosworth
She's got two different colored eyes... Other than that, there is pretty much nothing distinguishable or unique about Bosworth who is just another example of a pretty girl getting some fame after a successful teen movie. I think her career proves that.
Case in Point: Movie 43 (2013), Homefront (2013), Straw Dogs (2011), 21 (2008), Superman Returns (2006), Beyond the Sea (2004), Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004)
19. Josh Duhamel
Other than being handsome, Duhamel has little going for him. Doing an adequate if not boring job in the Transformers movies, Duhamel has proven that in everything else he is really just eye candy. Lacking the charisma of a leading man and the talent of a character actor, Duhamel has had success but really isn't impressive. Probably because he's not talented. Hot, sure. But then... so is Brad Pitt.
Case in Point: Movie 43 (2013), Safe Haven (2013), New Year's Eve (2011), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Life as We Know It (2010), When in Rome (2010), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), Las Vegas (2003-08), Transformers (2007), Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004)
18. Katherine Heigl
Oh sweet justice when even Hollywood had had enough of this spoiled child. Tricking people into thinking she could be America's Sweetheart after Grey's Anatomy and a few romantic comedies, Heigl's infamous bad attitude and even worse acting finally proved that she's no Julia Roberts (who's no Kate Winslet, I'm just sayin'). Watch Heigl play a version of herself in film after film as she helps perpetuate every stereotype about blondes, women with big boobs, and women in general with her sub-par acting and whiny cadence. Let's hope she stays in B-movie world.
Case in Point: State of Affairs (2014-15), Home Sweet Hell (2014), The Big Wedding (2013), One for the Money (2012), New Year's Eve (2011). Life as We Know It (2010), Killers (2010), Grey's Anatomy (2005-10), The Ugly Truth (2009), 27 Dresses (2008), Knocked Up (2007), etc.
17. Alex Pettyfer
Wow... We've never seen a hot blonde guy before. Oh wait. Even though the Brit has the looks of a model, he ain't got much else. Therefore, it's puzzling as to how he's gotten roles in films like Magic Mike (2012), The Butler (2013), and In Time (2011). Thankfully, his resume has slowed down a bit since it's become painfully clear that while he's been popular in some films and is a hit with the ladies, this guy's acting is on par with a pine cone.
Case in Point: Endless Love (2014), The Butler (2013), Magic Mike (2012), In Time (2011), Beastly (2011), I Am Number Four (2011)
16. Kate Beckinsale
Sure, Beckinsale is gorgeous. And yes, she's very charming when she's sporting her British accent. But yeesh, she cannot act. Whether it's hamming it up with an appalling Eastern European accent in Van Helsing (2004) - when apparently she studied Russian literature - or acting perpetually constipated in Pearl Harbor (2001), Beckinsale is not talented. This painful fact has become even more apparent to Hollywood as she has been forced to rely on her looks to pretty much score movie roles.
Case in Point: Total Recall (2012), Whiteout (2009), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009), Vacancy (2007), Click (2006), Underworld: Evolution (2006), The Aviator (2004), Van Helsing (2004), Tiptoes (2003), Underworld (2003), Laurel Canyon (2002), Pearl Harbor (2001)
15. Vin Diesel
Once upon a time, a large, bald man with an incoherent voice and below average acting skills stepped onto the set of The Fast and the Furious (2001) and the world was never the same reason. For some reason Hollywood believed for awhile that Diesel could perform in other movies and shoot them to box office gold. Not so much. So Diesel has resigned himself to headlining Fast and Furious movies till the end of time, which although they are not prolific or award-winning, bring in the dough and insure Diesel will have a very successful (financially) career.
Case in Point: Furious Seven (2015), Riddick (2013), Fast & Furious 6 (2013), Fast Five (2011), Fast & Furious (2009), Babylon A.D. (2008), Find Me Guilty (2006), The Pacifier (2005), The Chronicles of Riddick (2004), A Man Apart (2003), xXx (2002)
14. Robert Pattinson
I am convinced that the Twilight films could have cast any halfway attractive man under 30 and teenagers would have fallen madly in love with him. That has to be the explanation for why R-Patz has become such a sensation and has managed to score roles outside of Twilight since he is a painfully bad actor. Bland, dull, and rather emotionless (which might explain why he and Kristen Stewart were attracted to each other), it is inconceivable why Pattinson has become so successful when he lacks any real talent or charisma. The closest he's come to decent was in the fourth Harry Potter movie and that movie wasn't great because of him.
Case in Point: All the Twilight films, Cosmopolis (2012), Bel Ami (2012), Water for Elephants (2011), Remember Me (2010), Little Ashes (2008)
13. Amanda Peet
There is absolutely no reason Amanda Peet should have been able to lead so many big movies so far this century. Attractive but not beautiful, adequate but not terribly talented or funny, it's a mystery as to how Peet has come so far in Hollywood when she has not managed to impress whatsoever. Then again, her career has seemed to slow down lately as I suspect that her failure to attract audiences to comedies like A Lot Like Love (2005) and The Ex (2006) or Aaron Sorkin dramas, has proven that she is not worthy of heavyweight films. Still, she's made more money than the poor souls still acting their asses off in New York.
Case in Point: Trust Me (2013), Identity Thief (2013), Gulliver's Travels (2010), 2012 (2009), Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip (2006-07), The Ex (2006), Syriana (2005), A Lot Like Love (2005), The Whole Ten Yards (2004), Something's Gotta Give (2003), Identity (2002), Changing Lanes (2002), High Crimes (2002), Saving Silverman (2001)
12. Paul Walker (RIP)
Okay, so I'm not going to spend a paragraph discussing Walker's lack of talent as an actor because he seemed like a genuinely kind and good man and his death was a terrible tragedy. But I am not going to lie to people and say that he was an incredible actor with a range of talent and versatile skills, because he wasn't. Much like his co-star Diesel, Walker became so successful because of his role in the Fast and Furious films and that's fine. People pay to see those movies and the studios listen. But it is a bit of a shame that attractive people become so successful in film merely because of their looks and likability when plenty of talented actors lose out.
Case in Point: Furious Seven (2015), Brick Mansions (2014), Fast & Furious 6 (2013), Hours (2013), Vehicle 19 (2013), Fast Five (2011), Takers (2010), Fast & Furious (2009), The Lazarus Project (2008), Eight Below (2006), Running Scared (2006), Into the Blue (2005), Noel (2004), Timeline (2003), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Joy Ride (2001), The Fast and the Furious (2001), She's All That (1999), Varsity Blues (1999), Pleasantville (1998)
11. Malin Akerman
I'll be the first to say that Akerman is very pretty. With her Swedish looks and peppy attitude, she's totally cute. But cute does not necessarily equal talent. Akerman has made waves in comedies because of her looks and her willingness to take her clothes off (which is not an uncommon way for many actresses to get work but that doesn't mean it's right, kids) but that should not delude us into thinking she is a good actress. She's not really. If anything, she often plays a version of herself or an over-the-top caricature of a crazy woman. That's not range. That's called having a good agent.
Case in Point: Trophy Wife (2013-14), Burning Love (2012), Rock of Ages (2012), Wanderlust (2012), Elektra Luxx (2010), The Romantics (2010), Couples Retreat (2009), The Proposal (2009), Watchmen (2009), 27 Dresses (2008), The Heartbreak Kid (2007), Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
10. Kristen Stewart
Ugh....... Let's take a moment to really deal with the fact that Kristen Stewart is one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood. It's painful, I know. And unjust. Like former lover R-Patz, Stewart rode the train to stardom after headlining the Twilight films and playing the emotionally constipated and perpetually bemused Bella Swan. Again, because of the massive popularity of the books, Stewart became a star because of the series not because of her talent or charisma or stunning looks. She has none of those and has become a bit of a joke on social media because of her own obvious inability to handle human interaction of almost any kind. Still, her name has become synonymous with the box office breaking series and she continues to get roles alongside very talented actors: Julianne Moore, Charlize Theron, Amy Adams, Chris Hemsworth, James Gandolfini... Let's just stop before we start crying.
Case in Point: Twilight series, Still Alice (2014), Snow White and the Huntsman (2012), On the Road (2012), The Runaways (2010), Welcome to the Rileys (2010), Adventureland (2009), Jumper (2008), Into the Wild (2007), In the Land of Women (2007), Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005), Catch That Kid (2004)
9. Seann William Scott
Thank God that this eternal frat boy has slowly begun to fade from film because he is pretty awful. Achieving fame after playing Stifler in the American Pie movies, Scott's popularity rose for awhile as he tried to replay that character (or a version of it) in stoner and sex comedies over and over. That began to get old quick but even in 2008 Scott scored a hit with Paul Rudd in Role Models. And even though his lack of talent and reportedly bad attitude have soiled his reputation in many circles, he still can land roles and paychecks that most actors will only ever dream of. Sure, he's not bad-looking and Stifler was funny in 1999 but he has no real talent.
Case in Point: Movie 43 (2013), American Reunion (2012), Cop Out (2010), Balls Out: Gary the Tennis Coach (2009), Role Models (2008), The Promotion (2008), Mr. Woodcock (2007), Southland Tales (2006), The Dukes of Hazard (2005), The Rundown (2003), American Wedding (2003), Bulletproof Monk (2003), Old School (2003), Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), American Pie 2 (1999), Evolution (2001), Dude, Where's My Car? (2000), Road Trip (2000), Final Destination (2000), American Pie (1999)
8. Megan Fox
We all know that Fox has been successful merely because she is hot. That's it. She is attractive and sexy with a great body and unique looks and that has been her ticket to Hollywood fame. Yet when she pissed off Michael Bay and exited the Transformers series (which is inexplicably still raging), she was forced to take on roles that rely solely on her looks because she is awful. Wooden, boring, amateur; it wouldn't be a stretch to say that she's high school drama production quality. But God forbid an action series not have a hot woman in it and as long as people still find her as great spank bank material, she'll be with us for awhile.
Case in Point: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), This Is 40 (2012), The Dictator (2012), Friends with Kids (2011), Jonah Hex (2010), Jennifer's Body (2009), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (2008), Transformers (2007), Hope & Faith (2004-06), Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)
7. Dane Cook
Who's a talentless hack? This guy. This fraud doesn't even really deserve mention. I'm just glad his star is dropping as people realize more and more that stealing other comedians' jokes and playing yourself in every movie is only going to lead to nowhere.
Case in Point: My Best Friend's Girl (2008), Dan in Real Life (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Mr. Brooks (2007), Employee of the Month (2006), Waiting... (2005), London (2005), Torque (2004)
6. Eva Mendes
I am sure that Mendes is a nice person. She does not seem like a bitch or a too much of a stuck-up celebrity, but goodness, she is only famous because of her looks. We get it: she's hot. But girlfriend cannot act. Not even a little. She tries, bless her heart, but every time she is in a movie (and she has been in some big and successful movies), she plays a version of herself: the hot and game Eva Mendes. If she tries to go outside her limits and play something a little more serious, we get... The Place Beyond the Pines. Yeesh. Kudos to her for her rocking body and sexy look, but that does not mean that she is talented.
Case in Point: The Place Beyond the Pines (2012), Girl in Progress (2012), Last Night (2010), The Other Guys (2010), The Spirit (2008), The Women (2008), We Own the Night (2007), Ghost Rider (2007), Trust the Man (2005), Hitch (2005), Stuck on You (2003), Out of Time (2003), Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Training Day (2001)
5. Jessica Alba
Raise your hand if you're beautiful and have only become successful because of your looks and then organic cleaning products company that sells based on your name? Please tell me when Ms. Alba is going to finally disappear from Hollywood because I think we are all tired of her, albeit withering, presence in crappy films. Stop paying this woman money.
Case in Point: Barely Lethal (2015), Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014), Spy Kids: All the Time in the World 4D (2011), Little Fockers (2010), Machete (2010), Valentine's Day (2010), The Killer Inside Me (2010), The Love Guru (2008), The Eye (2008), Awake (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Into the Blue (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Sin City (2005), Honey (2003), The Sleeping Dictionary (2003), Dark Angel (2000-02), Never Been Kissed (1999)
4. Taylor Lautner
Is it a coincidence that all of the leads from Twilight are on this list? Take a wild guess. Apparently deemed attractive since he has decent looks and great abs, Lautner has utilized these looks and their ability to melt teenage girls to his benefit. Yet although Lautner has made a ton of money from the vampire-lite series and has gotten roles in other films, he's failed to really become a megastar because he can't act. At all. Nada. Kristen Stewart has more talent than him. And that's saying something. But I fear that Lautner will continue to get some more roles for a few years as long as Twilight doesn't remain a distant memory.
Case in Point: Twilight films, Abduction (2011), Valentine's Day (2010), Cheaper By the Dozen 2 (2005), The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005)
3. Jessica Biel
The term "successful" is starting to lose meaning for Mrs. Justin Timberlake since her various attempts to headline big budget movies have basically failed. Ever since she got attention for playing rebellious Mary on the cheesetastic 7th Heaven, Biel swam into stardom through her good looks and killer bod. But standing out on a show of bad B-actors and melodramatic storylines isn't much of a feat, and Biel has been seen less in movies the past few years, opting to focus instead on marrying Justin Timberlake and having his children. Solid choice, Jess, because you're hot but sorry babe, you've got no talent. Still, her name is prolific and that's more than many actors could hope for.
Case in Point: Playing for Keeps (2012), Hitchcock (2012), Total Recall (2012), New Year's Eve (2011), The A-Team (2010), Valentine's Day (2010), Easy Virtue (2008), I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), Next (2007), Home of the Brave (2006), 7th Heaven (1996-2006), The Illusionist (2006), Elizabethtown (2005), Stealth (2005), Blade: Trinity (2004), Cellular (2004), The Texas Chain Massacre (2003), Summer Catch (2001)
2. January Jones
Jones is such a bad actress that one wonders if perhaps she is pulling a great joke on everyone and is mocking the bevy of attractive but untalented women that parade through Hollywood. But sadly, no. She's just a horrible actress that somehow managed to get roles in big movies and big TV. Why?
Case in Point: Mad Men (2007-15), Good Kill (2014), Sweetwater (2013), Seeking Justice (2011), X-Men: First Class (2011), Unknown (2011), Pirate Radio (2009), We Are Marshall (2006), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Love Actually (2003), American Wedding (2003), Anger Management (2003)
1. Milla Jovovich
Sorry, Milla. You're attractive and you've been a popular video-game siren for nerds, but God knows why you've been able to get film roles and make money. Sure, you're beautiful and you can run around in skin-tight clothes and pull it off, but the acting... Goodness me. Jovovich's most popular films have relied solely on her athletic beauty in S/F and video game adaptation franchises, and that should warn you because this woman can only hold a gun and look hot. Not much else. Maybe that's enough for some fans but for film connoisseurs who truly appreciate good art and good acting, this is kind of tragic.
Case in Point: Resident Evil films, Cymbeline (2014), Faces in the Crowd (2011), Bringing Up Bobby (2011), The Three Musketeers (2011), Lucky Trouble (2011), Dirty Girl (2010), The Fourth Kind (2009), A Perfect Getaway (2009), Ultraviolet (2006), No Good Deed (2002), Dummy (2002), Zoolander (2001), The Claim (2000), The Messenger: Joan of Arc (1999), The Fifth Element (1997), Dazed and Confused (1993), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991)
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